Broadly pain comes in two types- physical pain and emotional pain. Both types of pain are tough to deal with. However, the emotional pain is often the one most tough to cope with, because the emotional pain hurts from inside and is much more difficult to overcome. The physical pain can at times be excruciating too and equally difficult to cope with. The challenge of emotional pain is that it provokes questions like why me? What if? Will it change my life for the worse? Can I ever cope with it? that makes it hard for an individual to find satisfactory answers to. The result is that emotional pain triggers in us a negative attitude to people, lose confidence in ourselves and a ‘poor me’ syndrome overwhelms us.
Emotional pain is non physical pain. This means that the pain is felt in the head and heart. Death of a loved is the most common emotional pain but since death is a reality everyone has to deal with, most people can get over this pain over time. Of course there are exceptions like the sudden death of young person or the sudden death of a dear pet. However, emotional pain felt when a marriage breaks down or when one gets an unexpected pink slip or one is made aware of a serious ailment is much more difficult to handle. The most common response to emotional pain are as under:
Trusting less: Emotional pain, especially if it is the result of a disconnect with another person be it a lover/ spouse or employer would seriously affect the aggrieved party/ parties and would often result in them at least temporarily losing their confidence in other people. This means that going forward, it takes them time to let go of the past, are always wary of people around especially new people and would never make a commitment to a relationship personal/ professional without being circumspect about the future.
Thinking more: Emotional pain always magnifies the problem in the eyes of the aggrieved person. It also makes a person think of various worse case scenarios, make them interject varied negative possibilities to a possible solution and largely make them feel victimized. The over thinking limits their vision to see effective alternative solutions. It also adds to their mental turmoil and consequently it impacts their personal, social and professional life.
Becoming a recluse: People who are emotionally pained tend to become recluse. They shun social contact, prefer their own solitude and face psychological trauma. They find it hard to connect with people for they trust less, think more and believe that no one can help them. They wallow in self pity, have delusions/ fears of a second wave of trauma and adapt to solitude for company. Unfortunately that also means they have lesser chances of picking themselves out of their emotional rut.
Pain changes people. Life becomes harder; living even tougher and at times dying seems like a perfect escape.
Be aware of the dangers of letting emotional pain overwhelm us and make us irrational. As long as there is life there is hope. Listen to both your inner reason and to the advice of well meaning friends. Learn to trust your instincts as well as the voice of love and reason of your loved ones who would do all within their power to help you overcome your trauma. Do not cut yourself from the world around; remember man is a social animal and your best chance to be emotionally stable would be by interacting with others. After all sharing joy doubles it and sharing grief halves it.
Try these:
- List out 3 painful moments of your life. How did you react to each of these moments? Do you still feel that pain even today or has time helped you overcome the pain?
- So which of the following emotional baggage are you still carrying with you
- Having a breakup
- Having a dear one insult/ hurt you
- Hearing a rude/ disrespectful / sarcastic comment about yourself
- Being let down / cheated by a dear friend / colleague
- Being forced to sacrifice your ethics in order to succeed
How did the above effect you. What have you done to regain your confidence after facing the above?
This post is courtesy www.actspot.com
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This Post Has 2 Comments
My best friend of nearly 3 years abruptly decided to quit being friends with me.
He doesnt want to reconsider his decision and wants me to just forget the past and move on.
We had a small argument and no amount of apologizing and pleading helped.
He has stopped responding to messages, mails, etc.
I have several times in the past forgiven him.
He was my best friend, whom i used to call at the drop of a hat.
He spoke a lot and had shared a good bond.
You have forgiven him but you are unable to forget him and therein lies the quirk of human emotions that logic cannot capture. I hope the pain of the unexplained severing of ties by him has not changed you too drastically. You will have to rationalize, accept and then go on with your life; nostalgia is to be expected- where you recall the fun without revealing the pain. Be strong and believe that there are still good friends and good times ahead of you. Thank you for sharing your anguish; hopefully that has also helped you unburden. For me your sharing is one of the best feedback I have got in all these years. Best Wishes. Jacob