Forgiving friends…

It is easier to forgive an enemy than a friend. Madame Dorothee Deluzy

Forgiveness does not come easily to anyone. We find it hard to forgive because often the hurt caused is too raw and painful to be condoned. Our ego and self respect won’t permit us to let bygones be bygones. We are seething with anger and revenge is uppermost in our minds and forgiveness will dilute that feeling which we see as a manly sign. There are times when social and peer pressure force us to abandon all thoughts of forgiveness lest we have to face the wrath and fury of our own supporters. Whatever the reason, it takes a large heart and plenty of love to forgive someone who has wronged us.

When we feel wronged by an unknown person we are quick to take affront simply because we believe the other person is careless, inconsiderate and deserves punishment rather than mercy and forgiveness. We would rarely venture to find out the real cause of the problem or misunderstanding which possibly could throw up new revelations. Yet by nature we are quick to condemn and almost reluctant to admit our mistakes if we realize it. If the wrong is done by someone whom we do not get along with or dislike or someone we consider an enemy our immediate reaction is that the deed was done deliberately with wrong intent and with full knowledge of the perpetrator. Our immediate thoughts are to get even and possibly extract revenge for what we visualize as deliberate acts. At this point forgiveness is far removed from our minds and our fury and rage blind us to any possibility of reconciliation.

Nothing can be as hurtful as realizing that someone who is a friend has betrayed us or let us down deliberately. The hurt stems from the fact that we never expected someone who is close and intimate with us to become a villain in our lives. On one hand we cannot imagine such a situation and on the other hand the reality hits us hard and hurts us deeply. At this point we believe that an enemy can be forgive because we expect only such behavior but that it would be stupid and spineless to forgive a friend who betrays us. More than anything else we feel foolish that we have trusted the friend, are embarrassed that we could not see the friends nefarious intentions and connive ourselves that he deserves no mercy and definitely no forgiveness.

If we pause and let our rationality talk to our senses we would slowly realize that by not forgiving all we end up doing is wasting our energies hating someone, constantly imbibe negative thoughts of getting even and taking revenge and perhaps waste our life in the pursuit of an imaginary pleasure got by doing harm to avenge our hurt. On the other hand if we allow ourselves to be pragmatic, down to earth and sensible, forgiveness will knock the sails out of the person who expects nothing remotely as this gesture for his / her deeds. In fact it might shock them into realizing their grievous fault and they in turn could seek pardon. In the end both the person forgiving and the person forgiven would have unburdened their heavy hearts and lightened their conscience and enjoy the rest of their lives.

Remember: “There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” Bryant H. McGill

Try this:

Ask yourself if you have the tendency to be sarcastic, caustic in your comments, foul mouthed in conversation or extremely critical about others. This could cause a lot of unwitting hurt to people who are close to you but who cannot really express their hurt to you. Next time be aware of such behavior and check yourself. If by chance you realize your mistake apologize for such behavior and you will find that you will be better accepted and appreciated.
Ask yourself if you still dislike and distrust some of your classmates for some of their comments or behavior that had caused you hurt then. Perhaps they have forgotten those incidents but it is you who is carrying it with you still. Can you make an attempt to meet up with these people or begin communicating with them as if nothing ever happened. You will realize that you feel much more relaxed and relieved when you let go the past hurt.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com