Familiarity breeds contempt

The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.  Foe Ancis

The generation gap is perhaps the one of the most vivid examples of how there is a polarization in views for people in close proximity.  The generation gap, is perhaps most obvious, amongst children and their parents and can encompass the whole gamut of daily living right from clothing, to leisure tastes and could include food preferences, study habits, career choices, friendships, keeping pets, choice of hobbies etc. While the parents insist that with their experience and foresight they can chalk out the pathway for their children, the kids often interpret this guidance and advice as overbearing intrusions into their lives. The children are invariably convinced that most ideas and views of the parents and elders are caught in a time wrap and are choices made based on minimizing career risk and maximizing security. Their objection is primarily that their individuality and aspirations are not considered and so is an imposition of parental expectations on juvenile dreams.

Similarly, both parents and children are guilty of selectively comparing other children and other parents and drawing the conclusion that while we at home are dysfunctional most times everyone else is normal. In the same way, be it at our social gatherings, our work place or classrooms we exhibit the tendency to compare and contrast others with ourselves. Invariably we end up seeing half truths, selective facts, surface polish and glitz & glitter in others and contrast it with our own limitations and imaginary demons. Obviously everyone else seems to be normal as compared to yourself.  The truth is that most times the other party is too far for us to make an informed judgment, often  we see things with the lens that we want to see it with and at every stage we move with the preconceived notion that we are abnormal while the others are normal.

Scratch the surface, then the gloss and polish in others would peel off quickly and perhaps then you will realize how much more better stuff you are made up of. What looked apparently normal and perfect now takes on a different hue of mismatched colors, confused mindsets, artificial bohemia and farcical appearance. That is when one realizes that closer home the differences are not so much; the polarization of views is actually individuality jockeying for spaces and the incongruence in action is symmetry of styles. Normalcy then is best appreciated when seen as controlled chaos like firecrackers that explode and yet dazzle the night.

Remember:  Admiration and familiarity are strangers.  George Sand

Try these:

1. If you are a parent write down 10 things that you appreciate in your child and your parents. Please write it down for each child and parent separately. The others can write 10 points they appreciate in their parents.  What are the qualities you wish your child / parent had? Can you work on a ways to help your child acquire those qualities without forcing them into it?
2. Choose and idol (preferably a well known personality). Write down his/ her name. Now write down all the reasons he/she is your idol. Now try to find out 5 things that people did not appreciate about your idol. Were you aware of these weaknesses in your idol? Now has your affection for your idol gone down?

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