Your past is always going to be the way it was. Stop trying to change it. Anon
When we look back wistfully on the good old days gone by, it is but natural that our minds also stray into some of the more forgettable, painful and embarrassing moments of our past, that we wish never occurred. Many a time when we are despondent, sad and lonely we are prone to revisit our past and painfully recount those fateful moments, which if we could, we would completely erase from our past. Unfortunately reality cannot be changed and we are destined to be prisoners of our past memories. This does not mean that we cannot escape from this self made prison, nor does it mean that we have to carry our cross of the past for ever. What we cannot do is eliminate the past.
Since we cannot eliminate the past, the next best thing is to understand the lessons the past has taught us. We can try to understand the circumstances that led us to do the negative things we did, be it copying in exams, lying, bullying others etc. and then try to realize that we have progressed a long way from those miserable days. It will also help us to make peace with the troublesome past so that they are no longer milestones dragging us from realizing our full potential. If in the past our poverty forced us to steal and we get caught and branded a thief, the stigma is very difficult to live with. However, later on in life, if by sheer dint of hard work and persistence, one has made a mark in society, it will do us well to put our stigma behind us and instead strive to ensure that others who are poor do not end up stealing.
It is worth remembering that one cannot expect others to forget your past. People tend to remember the unpleasant facts of other people and conveniently and selectively elaborate on it either to embarrass the other person but more often to gain a bit of popularity by spreading juicy stories of others. We must also realize that we to tend to display similar behavior for similar reasons and so we must make a conscious effort never to embarrass or bad mouth others. The next time you are with your school/college mates, observe how the conversation flows. If at some point we remember only the nasty things of others, if we keep belittling our classmates and just recount their juicy tales, remember it is not just bad manners but downright despicable. Be aware about your own self and your tendency to be critical, sarcastic and nasty about others. Sometime you might be at the receiving end and then you have no right to complaint.
Remember: We cannot change the past, but we can ruin a perfect present by reliving the past.
Try these:
- What are the 5 most embarrassing things that you wish you never did? Do you still carry the burden of embarrassment any or all of those events caused you then, even now? Can you forgive yourself for those happenings now ?
- Do you have the tendency to pick on some people and run them down? Now that you are aware, will you be able to make a strong attempt to avoi such a tendency. Do you know of people who take perverse pleasure in running down some others? Will you dare to stand up for the person being made fun off and tell the others to be more temperate and considerate?
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